“Just when all my childhood dreams seemed to have come true, I nearly lost my mind and then my life. I’ve never told this story publicly, but now it’s time.” The New Yorker

The actress spoke out for the first time about her illness to support SameYou, a charity she’s launched to support young people with brain injuries.

“I know from personal experience that the impact of brain injury is shattering. Recovery is long-term and rehabilitation can be difficult to access. Brain injury can be an invisible illness and the subject is often taboo. We must help young adults take control of their recovery and allow them to open up without fear of stigma or shame.” The Telegraph

Photo credit: Getty Images

The actress, who plays Daenery Targaryen, lived with an aneurysm for three years and it was only when one she had to stop one of her workouts while training for her role as Daenerys, that she realised the pressure on her brain. She had just finished filming season one of the hit show. She writes in the New Yorker:

“I reached the toilet, sank to my knees and proceeded to be violently, voluminously ill. Meanwhile, the pain – shooting, stabbing, constricting pain – was getting worse. At some level, I knew what was happening – my brain was damaged.”

Emilia was immediately taken for hospital where she underwent her first brain surgery. She recalls waking up and the horrifying moment when she couldn’t remember her name:

“My full name is Emilia Isobel Euphemia Rose Clarke. But now I couldn’t remember it. Instead, nonsense words tumbled out of my mouth and I went into a blind panic. I’d never experienced fear like that-a sense of doom closing in. I could see my life ahead, and it wasn’t worth living. I am an actor; I need to remember my lines. Now I couldn’t recall my name.” The New Yorker

The actress talks about her darkest moments of recovery in her open letter published on the New Yorker: “In my worst moments, I wanted to pull the plug. I asked the medical staff to let me die. My job-my entire dream of what my life would be-centered on language, on communication. Without that, I was lost.”

After her first surgery and recovery the actress found out she had a second, smaller aneurysm on her brain and just three years later found herself back in hospital for more surgery after a check up revealed it had doubled in size.

“The recovery was even more painful than it had been after the first surgery. I looked as though I had been through a war more gruesome than any that Daenerys experienced. I emerged from the operation with a drain coming out of my head. Bits of my skull had been replaced by titanium.” The New Yorker.

Through all of this Emilia was becoming a household name through her inspirational performance as Daenerys Targaryen.

Emilia’s salient point, through all of this, is that she is not alone and that she was incredibly lucky to survive and go on working. Seeing other people on the ICU less lucky than herself and knowing the impact of brain surgery inspired her to start her work at SameYou.